We are Not Alone
The idea of community has been a challenge to me throughout my life. As a Hungarian-American, I felt as though I belonged to two separate communities; yet to none at all. During my early childhood years, Hungarians defined community. As I grew, my world expanded. You would think the tribe that helped raise us expanded as well. In reality, it seemed to have gotten smaller. Lives got busy. The get-togethers were becoming less frequent.
At the age of 18, we moved away from everyone we knew. No more community; no more tribe. Since then, I moved well over 25 times. It’s a bit challenging to find a community when one keep s moving — even if it’s within the same county.
Why do I share this with you? To let you know I understand the feeling of loneliness, the desire to have a solid community, and the struggles with finding people who will accept you with all your flaws. Add to this a cup of domestic violence and the sense of security you would long for is all but vanished into the atmosphere.
What’s the point of community anyway when all they’re going to do is leave and/or hurt you. Why allow yourself the luxury of having helping hands, people who genuinely care, and those who are willing to go to bat for you? It’s all a fantasy anyway, right?
If you’re a survivor of domestic violence, you understand the lack of desire to be within a community. That means you’ll have to trust, lean on, and basically deal with other people and their emotions. It’s challenging enough to deal with your own emotions. How frustrating!
Even if you were willing to open yourself up to others, where would you find a genuine community? How long will it take? What if they walk away? What if they talk about you behind your back? ALL of these questions are valid. I struggled with these questions (and plenty more) for years. I wanted absolutely nothing to do with being involved with other people. I desperately wanted to be a wallflower.
But we aren’t created to be left alone. We are created to be with others. We are created to commune. However scary it may be on one hand, communing with others can be just as uplifting and invigorating.
Without community, you will never grow. You will be the only person with whom you hold conversations, laugh with, and cry with. You will be alone. Sounds promising, right? It certainly did to me.
When I was fresh out of domestic violence, people-ing brought me much anxiety. It was not good for my mental health on any level. However, as I healed, admitted to having PTSD, and sought professional help, I began to understand the value of community.
I learned countless lessons from others. My community has encouraged me, laughed with me, cried ugly boogery tears with me, and prayed with me. My community reminds me I am not alone on this journey. No matter what happened to me in the past, they don’t care about that. They care about who I am now. They care about the woman I’m becoming through facing all the adversities.
When you find the right community for yourself, you’ll find people who love you for exactly who you are today. They’re worth the effort to look for them. They’re worth the wait; however long it takes to find them. They’re worth it, because you’re worth it.
You may not believe you’re worthy of being a part of a tightly knit community, but you are. If you’re having a challenging time finding the community you desire, start your own community. No need to be shy about it. If you’re a specific type of person, there are countless others who are their own unique specific type of person. Create a community and a safe space. If you’re a single parent who has overcome domestic violence, join our community here.
A major part of your healing journey is to get a glimpse of the value of community. When you’re ready, let’s chat about your healing journey.