Stop being Possessive

This month marks a decade of our freedom from abuse. It has been filled with countless tears, moments of hope, and clearly defined insight. There is plenty to celebrate and much to overcome. But now, the overcoming is not self-focused. It is an external focus. There’s a necessary mindset shift to overcome for almost all survivors of domestic violence. It’s what we all do subconsciously and wonder why we’re stuck on our healing journey.

Any idea what it could be? What is one thing most survivors have in common? We could look at the types of abuse (physical, emotional, psychological, financial, or spiritual), the family involvement, or even the socio-economic background. But, all of these things pail in comparison to the mindset of possession. Don’t get me wrong, I’m guilty of this as well. It took me years to figure out what part of our healing needs to be addressed before anything else.

It’s the part where we are similar to the abuser because we take possession of the person. Bare with me here for a few moments. How many times, whilst sharing life with a friend, have you said, “My abuser… My narc… My ex (something-or-other)…”? Why? Why would you want to take possession of the person who hurt you most? Why would you want to say “my anything negative”?

Think about it for a moment — because I’ve thought about it for an extremely long time. You would naturally say, my shoes, my family, my car, my house — you get the picture. You own all of those things. You’re proud of those things (on some level anyway). Why would you want to keep reinforcing the negative thoughts into your mind, body, and soul?

Does some part of you miss the person who has caused the trauma in your life? Oh, most certainly. That’s natural for most people. But taking possession of the person by saying my narc is doing onto them as was done onto you. Here’s the kicker, your words are not hurting them. The harsh reality is the abuser has no interest in allowing you to heal and overcome their influence on your life. When you keep using my, the abuser wins time and time again, and your healing process slows down considerably.

Please understand, by no means am I suggesting you refrain from feeling the feelings that come out when you’re free of the abuse. I’m suggesting that you completely stop taking possession of the abuser today. You can replace my with the.

Allow yourself to heal in those deep dungeons where you hold all your secrets. Love yourself to shift your wording and therefore shift your mindset. Stop being the abuser’s marionette. When you use the instead of my, you are taking your power back.

Interested in learning more? Let’s chat. Click here to set time together. In the meantime, I invite you to switch this one tiny word in your vocabulary and watch the shift unfold.

Most humbly,

Orsika Julia