is abuse Love?
Short answer: No. There you go, you’ve read what you needed to read and now you may continue on with your life. But hold on one second! Why do people think abuse is love? Honestly, there’s a number of reasons, but let’s focus on three!
- Her definition of love is askew because she was raised in an abusive household. Even if she wasn’t directly abused, watching mom or dad be abused will most certainly alter her definition of love. When a child only sees abuse in the household, her perception of love is going to be vastly different than a child who is raised in an emotionally and physically healthy home.
Often times a parent may think he is physically protecting his child from the abuser by taking the abuse himself. The parent thinks he is shielding the child from the abuse. This is the furthest thing from the truth. The child still sees the abuse, and she still feels what’s going on in her environment. Children are much smarter and more intuitive than we tend to give them credit for. Staying within the abusive relationship simply teaches the child how to either become the abuser or the abused. Neither option is fair to the child. Thankfully, there are agencies designed specifically to help individuals leave their abusive environment and start a new life. (Call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline today if you need help at 800.799.7233.) - His self-esteem is at a place where any form of attention is perceived as love. This one touches my soul on a deeper level, because I can relate all too well with it. My self-esteem was in the gutter. I was a single mother of two young children, and I honestly thought I was used goods. I took what I perceived as love — gift giving and time being spent — and ignored the red flags of how he treated his ex, his mother, and the pets. Those were some pretty massive red flags. But I was determined to have a family in the traditional sense. I fell prey to the mirage of love and ignored the obvious road of abuse.
We teach people how to treat us. When our self-esteem is low, the people we surround ourselves with will match that level of energy. Building up your self-esteem is not an easy path to take. However, when you finally do decide to love yourself as much as you think you love the abuser, your world will change. - Stockholm Syndrome sets in. This is when the captive (the abused) bonds with the abuser. It’s a very real thing. It develops in a matter of days, weeks, months or even years of abuse. Those who suffer from Stockholm Syndrome have similar symptoms as those in a domestic abuse situation. Both struggle with PTSD, insomnia, stress, being easily startled, and not trusting others.
Knowing the difference between real love (as stated in the Bible quote above) and fake love (abuse) will guide you to better understanding of yourself and therefore quicker healing. If the love you’re experience does not exhibit any of the words on the image, it’s not love. You are more than likely living in some form of abuse — psychological, emotional, or physical. Remember, love does not delight in evil. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.
You deserve to know a love which never fails.
